Save Me, Love Me
by milkywaymidnight
Summary: Season two based. Tom realizes,unexpectedly that he's in love with Kathryn. But it seems as though she has set her hearts desire upon another,causing him anguish.J/P new romance & suspected J/C past romance.Written from Tom's POV.
1. Realizations

**Save Me, Love Me**

**Summary:** Tom realizes, unexpectedly that he's in love with Kathryn. But it seems as though she has set her hearts desire upon another, causing him anguish. Written from Tom's Point of view.

**Warning/Disclaimer:** Adult content. Own nothing. Everything belongs to Paramount.

**Pairings:** Janeway/Paris new romance & Suspected, Janeway/Chakotay past romance

**A/N:This story is season two based, and takes place shortly after 'Resolutions'.**

**Chapter One:**Realization

Tom was making his way to the bridge when he spotted _them _not far up ahead preparing to enter the turbo lift. He felt something sting within him at the sight of them being all comfortable and bantering with each other. The Ex-Maquis Commander said something that caused her to laugh and he winced in pain, wishing that it was he that made her laugh, like it used to be before the stupid _planet _incident. He hid off to the side, pressing his back up against the wall, in-case they turned around and spotted him.

He didn't know how it happened. It just did, slowly crept up on him without him even knowing it. And now he wished that it hadn't happened at all. That he hadn't fallen for her.

He realized it a only few short days ago. When the senior officers were all having dinner together in the mess hall, celebrating her and the commander's return from the planet they named 'New Earth'. She was being all chummy with Chakotay, which surprised him. He wondered if something was going on between them? That something might have happened between them on the planet. The thought of it made his eyes narrow suspiciously, his fist clenched angrily underneath the table and the feeling hit him like a ton of bricks. _Jealousy._ His eyebrows rose in shock. Why should he be jealous? It's not like he cared for her in that way right? He tried to shove the feeling aside, but it just got worse. And that's when he realized it.

'Oh no!' was his only thought as he looked back up at the two across the table still yakking away like no one else was in the room that could overhear them. He for one couldn't hear what they were saying. The whole outside world seemed to darken around the woman he couldn't take his eyes off of. He told himself that even if she did have feelings for Chakotay, her starfleet protocols wouldn't allow her to have such a relationship with him or any other member of the crew for that matter. And he knew that she would never allow such a relationship to form while she was in command of the ship. The thought saddened him more than he thought it would.

"Tom, you alright?" he heard Harry's voice from the side ask. He shook his head as the darkness lifted and turned to his friend, giving him a forced smile to show him he was alright, even though he knew he wasn't all right. Not alright at all.

"I'm fine Harry. Just thinking is all," he replied, hating to lie to his best friend. But how could he tell anyone this. That he was in love with Kathryn Janeway.

"You sure?" his friend pressed on. Tom gave his shoulder a friendly squeeze, letting him know that he was grateful for his concern, but that it wasn't necessary.

"You worry too much Harry. It'll send you to an early grave if you don't watch it," his voice was harsher than he intended and he sighed apologetically at the hurt look Harry gave him. "I'm fine Harry. Honestly." he falsely assured as he went back to his food, suddenly losing his appetite. He pushed the plate aside then rubbed his head as he leaned backwards into his chair, trying not to look their way.

Back at the present, Tom shook his head to rid himself of the memory that had completely made his life a living hell since that fateful night when he realized that his feelings for his Captain had changed from a comfortable friendship to wanting her as a woman, a friend and a lover all in one. He had never wanted anyone like this before. And in some ways it scared him.

He looked back to the turbo lift to find that they had already entered it and were on their way to the bridge by now. He sighed, pushing himself from the wall and made his way to the turbo-lift, not really wanting to go to the bridge. Because she was there and he was going to be there with her. He didn't really feel like hearing their more than friendly banter as of late from behind.

A short while later, Tom sat the colm. He had put it on auto pilot, because there wasn't really much going on outside and it gave him time to think about things.

He heard Chakotay say something to her that set him off and he turned his chair swiftly around to face the other man angrily.

"It's not going to work you know?" he hissed, knowing that he just made a huge error in judgment as the bridge crew looked up in his direction. But he wasn't about to be the coward and back down now as he continued to glare at the commander, clenching his fist angrily at his sides as stood.

"I beg your pardon Lieutenant?" he heard the warning in her tone to drop whatever he was about to say. He did back away then. He didn't want to make her upset. He would do anything she asked. But it hurt too much being in this close a proximity to her. He sighed deeply and nodded then rubbed the side of his head frustratingly.

"Permission to be excused from the bridge Captain," he requested as calmly as he could, trying to hide the hurt behind his eyes.

"My waiting room Lieutenant. Now," she ordered getting to her feet and led the way to the destination mentioned.

Once the door was closed behind him, Janeway rounded on him angrily, "Would you mind explaining to me what that was back there, Tom?"

"I'm sorry Captain, I don't know what got into me," he tried to apologize. Pleading with his eyes for her to forgive him. Her eyes suddenly softened as she folded her arms across her chest.

"Is everything alright Tom? I've noticed that you seem, _preoccupied t_he last few days. If somethings bothering you, I want you to be honest with me. Maybe it will help, whatever it is." Tom shook his head. Nothing could help him with this. Especially not her. He looked back at her then and couldn't help but stare a little. She was so beautiful. What he loved most about her was the eyes. Almost the same soft blue color of his. She tried to hide behind them, built up barriers around her heart, but he could see through them like the depths of an ocean, knowing that, on the inside, was a lonely woman, who needed some love, attention if anything. And he's always been the one there to provide it. _The attention part that is. _

Now though it seems that she wants that attention from another and he hated it. He loved to be the cause of her laughter, to see her eyes shine brightly or mischievously when they found his. To make her smile. "Can I go now, Ma'am?"

The Captain seemed hesitant, but in the end nodded and let him go. He quickly left, the temptation to kiss her too strong. He went to his quarters to try and relax, to put his aching heart at ease, but nothing was working. '_What am I going to do?' _He cried inwardly as he sat on the sofa, letting his head drop in his hands, trying not to cry. Why? Why did this have to happen? Why did it have to be her? Why not someone else that I knew I could have? It just isn't fair.

_'Life's not fair Lieutenant' his conscious that always sounded like her reminded him. He groaned rubbing the back of his neck irritatingly. He couldn't even hide away from her in his quarters. She was always there to remind him of what he couldn't have. "Pull yourself together Tom. Your better than this." Tom smiled at that. She was always encouraging him to be better then he was. And he couldn't be more grateful to her for it. _

"Yes, ma'am!" _I'm not actually here Lieutenant remember? There's no need to talk to yourself, he then heard his conscious giggle, giggle._

"_God I must be going crazy." He lifted his head up, unshed tears forming in his eyes and he braced himself from the inevitable against the back of the couch. _

_'Yeah, crazy in love!' another fit of giggles._ He pressed his hands against his ears, instinctively. "Stop it!" he shouted, realizing a second later that he was only shouting at himself.He removed his hands from his ears and stared blankly up at the ceiling.

"What am I going to do?"

_'Tell her how you feel.'_

"I can't do that." He sniffed and wiped a tear rolling down his cheek.

_Why?'_

"Because I think she's wants someone else."

_'Wanting is very different than being in love, Tom.'_

"_I know, it's just, I can't tell her, not ever."_

_"I can't force you to, but I believe in you Tom. And I know that you'll make the right decision.'_

His doorbell chimed then and he looked up at the doorway, "Come in." The door slid open and Tom wasn't surprised to see Harry step in still looking as worried as ever.

"You lied," his friend chided, sounding a little disappointed in him.

"What are you on about Harry?" His defensive mechanism kicking in. Warning him not to let anyone get too close. It only hurts you in the end.

"Your not fine Tom. I think your hurting, suffering even and it's because of her isn't it?" Tom shook his head. Why couldn't Harry just leave him alone.

"I don't know what you're talking about Harry?" he denied glaring at him a little.

"Captain Janeway!" Harry snapped. "I saw the way you looked at her on the bridge. I know that look. You were jealous of the Commander, I could tell. You've got to do something about this before it gets out of control and you end up putting yourself in the brig. I hate to see you like this Tom. Your my best friend." Tom looked away feeling ashamed for the way he's treated Harry the last few days.

"I don't know what to do Harry. I've never felt anything like this before and its scaring the living daylights out of me," he cried openly, dropping his head in his hands again and he couldn't stop the tears from falling. He felt Harry sit besides him on the couch then began to rub his back comfortingly.

"I can't tell you what to do Tom. But, maybe you should consider talking to her about it?" He lifted his hands from his head at this and looked painfully at Harry. He was letting it all out, knowing that Harry could see straight through his lies anyway.

"She can't know. You have to promise me you won't tell her Harry. You have to promise not to tell anyone. Ever. Promise me." Tom hated to beg, but couldn't risk word getting out that he was in love with the Captain. No one would ever understand. Harry sighed and nodded.

"You know me better than that. I won't say anything. But I really think you should. For your own sake." He grinned a little. "And anyway. Where's the Tom I used to k now, who wouldn't let anything stand in his way of getting what he wanted? Let alone starfleet protocols. I only want you to be happy Tom. And if she makes you happy, then you have my support if it makes things any easier for you. I want her to be happy too. I care about her very much. And I really don't think there's anything going on between her and the Commander. They're just really good friends from the sound of things. I say take the chance while you can," Tom knew that he was trying to cheer him up a little and he hated to admit that it was working. _'Leave it for Harry to put things in prospective for you.'_

"Thanks Harry." Harry gave him a pat on the shoulder as he rose off the couch, getting to his feet.

"Anytime. If you ever want to talk about it. I'm only a comm line away." With that Harry left his quarters and Tom was once again sitting alone and lonely in his dim lighted living area. It did help to have someone to talk about this with. And Harry really started to make him think that maybe he should tell her how felt. He was right about one thing, Tom Paris isn't one to back away from getting what he wanted, what he yearned for, what he loved, cherished and desired. But still, it was her. Even if he did tell her how he felt, there was no chance that she'd feel the same way, so what's the point? And even if she did. She wouldn't allow a relationship with him to form because of those damn starfleet protocols.

He racked his fingers through his hair frustratingly. This really sucks. Help me! Somebody please help me! He cried on the inside. He felt as though he were being sucked further and further into the depths of despair where no one cared. He wanted Harry to come back and save him. He wanted to go and find Kathryn right now and show her how much he loved her. But he couldn't and it was eating him up inside. He laid on his side on the couch and cried, until he finally felt exhausted enough to finally fall asleep.

**TO BE CONTIUED!**

**A/N: Sorry to have to end it here. But I'm afraid I too must get some sleep. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. And please do review! They really mean a lot to me!.**


	2. Arrested

**Chapter 2:** Arrested

The next morning when Tom walked into the mess hall for breakfast, he spotted _her _and Chakotay at a near by table talking. She must of saw him come in because she looked his way and waved him over. He gave her small smile, but didn't really want to get in their way. Luckily for him, Harry also saw him and waved him over a several tables from them. He pointed at Harry, indicating to her that he'd be sitting with him. She looked a little disappointed, but nodded and went back to her conversation with Chakotay, who gave him a look he couldn't describe before turning back to his breakfast partner.

He hated this! He really did want her company, but now he just felt like the third wheal getting in the way. He went to Harry's table and set down his tray before he sat down and started picking at his food with his fork. "thanks!" he whispered to Harry for getting out of an awkward situation.

"Your welcome! I think you really should tell her," he replied. Tom looked up to see Harry looking concerned for him again.

"I want to Harry, but I can't. It's complicated," he tried to explain.

Just then something shook the ship causing a few people the mess hall to fly out of their seats. The Captain ordered everyone to duty stations.

On the bridge a while later, all attempts to communicate with the unknown enemy vessel firing at them failed. They apparently wanted something and they weren't going to take no for an answer. Either that, or they just wanted to pick a fight and destroy us for violating their space or something. Or they just may be plain bullies without a reason.

"The shields are down!" Tuvok warned the Captain. 'Oh great'. This day just couldn't get any worse. But of course does because the next thing Tom's knows is that tingling sensation of being transported off the ship

He found himself on board an alien vessel. It looked very alien compared to Voyager, but looked quite advanced from what he could see. He heard someone groan behind him and turned to see the Captain laying on her side on the floor, attempting to push herself up. '_She must've fell before they kidnapped us.' _Tom thought. Anger flooded his veins, but his immediate concern was the Captain, so he crawled over to her.

"Captain?" He probed in concern. She looked up at him blinking her eyes in confusion.

"Tom?" she held out her hand and he helped her to stand then immediate started to look around. Tom opened his mouth to say something but the sounds of doors opening stopped him and he turned around to face the silver doors as they slid open and two persons in white mask and black robes stepped through, holding what he assumed to be firearms

"I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship Voyager. And who may I ask are you; why have attacked us?" her response was one of the aliens stepping forward and backhanded her. Tom moved forward to defend his Captain, but she held out her hand to stop him.

"Your title means nothing to us. You have violated our space and there for are arrested for trespassing on our territory." Tom's stomach tightened at this. He hoped that Voyager would find a way to save them soon. Her eyes turned to Tom apologetically then back at the alien.

"You may arrest me, but I plea with you to release my helmsman. He was only following my orders," she pleaded.

"Section 3.5.8 requires that the Captain and Helmsmen of a ship violating out territory be arrested. I'm afraid your plea is denied," the alien responded, glaring at her. They suddenly fired their weapons on them and Tom felt like his body was on fire as he crumbled to the ground in a heap next to his Captain.

When he awoke a few hours later, he found himself in some kind of cell. It was dark with a little blue hue light shining down on them from above lighting the grey cell a bit He groaned, feeling sore all over as he turned his side in an attempt to push himself up off the floor. He sighed a little in relief to find that the Captain was sitting up with her back pressed up against the cell wall. At least they gave us the same cell together,' he thought, glad that he wasn't completely alone. Even so, if he could have, he would've gladly taken the blame so that she could return to Voyager where she would be safe and out of harms way. Her chin was laying on her knees with her arms wrapped around them. She looked like she was blaming herself for what happened today. He pushed himself up and sat down besides her on the floor and pressed his back against the wall himself then looked sideways at her. She must've been deep in though because she didn't even look his way once during his movements.

"I'm sure Voyager will find a way to break us out soon," he tried to boost her spirits. She looked up at him then.

"I'm sure," she tried to sound positive. Tom sighed looking down at the floor. Being this close to her brought back those feelings for why he's been trying to avoid her since she returned from New Earth.

"Tom, can I ask you something, personal?" she probed. He looked up at this and nodded.

"Sure," he replied, giving her his full attention, trying to push those feelings, he new were not returned aside.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" she probed sounding a little hurt. Tom sighed, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her feelings.

"I didn't want to intrude,"he mumbled, not ready to have this conversation yet.

"On what?" Tom glared a little, the jealousy he tried in vein to push aside came flooding back to the surface.

"You're smart Captain, I'm sure you can figure out." He winced at the harshness in his tone. His eyes softened apologetically and then looked away. "I'm sorry! The truth is, I didn't want to feel like the third wheal, getting in the way of you and Chakotay." He turned to her again, she looked confused then her eyes rose in understanding.

"You would never be a third wheal Tom. And to be honest, I've missed your company. Even on new earth, I kept wondering how you were doing and what you were doing?" Tom rose his eyebrows in surprise at this. _She had_ _thought of him while being stranded with Chakotay. _"You were never very far from my thoughts." This made him smile a little. He turned his head at the sound of the cell doors opening and two of the guards entered pointing their weapons at them again.

"You will come with us," one of the aliens demanded in a deep voice, pointing his finger at the Captain. Tom stood defensively as the Captain also rose to her feet, keeping close by his side.

"I don't think so," Tom confronted glaring at them. One of the aliens moved forward and slammed the side of his weapon in his gut. He cried out as he doubled over in pain. He felt her arms snake around his waist protectively.

"All right!" She shouted holding out her hand to prevent the alien from striking him again. "All right..." She sighed and Tom felt her squeeze his arm comfortingly before following the aliens out the door. All he could do was watch helplessly as they took her away.

**TO BE CONTINUED! **

**A/N: Please review! They really mean a lot to me!**


	3. Seperated

**Chapter Three:** Seperated

Sometime later, Tom felt the ship he was on shake, and smiled a little knowing that it was Voyager most likely coming to the rescue. He hoped the Captain was okay, before feeling the familier tug of the transporter beam and found himself in the ships imfermary.

"Sickbay to bridge we've got Mr. Paris," the Doctor hailed the bridge before rushing to his aid.

"And the Captain?" he heard the commanders voice probe from the Doctor's communicator. Tom's heart rate sped up with knowledge that she was not with them. _'She must still be on the ship,'_ he pondered as the Doctor ran a tricorder over him to see if he was alright.

"Negative. She must still be on the alien ship," the Doctor replied.

"Understood, Chakotay out," the commander ended the transmission. The Doctor lowered his tricorder.

"Are you alright, Lieutenant?" he probed. Tom blinked, he couldn't breath knowing that the Captain was still on the alien ship and he wasn't with her. She was alone.

"Lieuentant," the Doc shouted to get his attention. He snapped back to reality and it hurt.

"We have to get her back," he cried rushing from the infermary knowing that his skills were needed on the bridge.

When he arrived on the brisge, he shared a look with the Commander, who nodded. He nodded back and replaced the ensign who took his place temporarily at the helm.

"Their entering warp," he informed looking at the viewscreen. _'Please let us get her back and be okay.' _he pleaded on the inside.

"Follow them," the Commander ordered.

"Commander, engineering reports that the warp core has been damaged and will take several hours to repair," Tuvok reported. Tom's heart stopped as he watched the enemy vessle enter subspace and was gone. _'This couldn't be happening' _

There was a moment of silence on the bridge and Tom couldn't bear it, but he tried not to let it show.

In the hours that followed, Tom found himself in the mess hall. He tried to eat, by the orders of the Doctor and the Commander, but couldn't bring himself to swallow anything down. The most he could stomach was some tarkalian tea.

"Mind if I join you?" He looked up to find Neelix, who had seemed to have lost his enthusiasm at the news of the Captain's kidnapping. He couldn't blame him. He felt the same and more. He pointed at the chair in front him indicating for him to take a seat. His Telaxian friend nodded and perched himself on the vacant seat indicated.

"How are things Tom?" he probed. Tom sighed, not knowing how to answer that.

"I don't know. For the first time in my life; I just don't know," he answered.

"Would it be imprudent of me to make an observation?" Tom sighed at the question, but nodded for him to make his observation.

"I've noticed that you seem to be avoiding the Captain lately and your lack of apitite. You have feelings for our beloved Captain don't you Tom?" Tom's mouth dropped. _Was he that transparent about it?_"If you must know. Yes. And be sure you keep it to yourself. I don't want the whole ship finding out and getting on my case nor hers about it."

"So you've told her?"

Tom shook his head, "No. She doesn't know. And I'm asking you to help me keep it that way. Promise me Neelix."

"I wont say a word. But, I think you should tell her when we get her back. I've noticed that when your here and she's eating with the Commander that she acasionally looks your way in a sometimes saddened and sometimes hopeful expression."

Tom sighed, "Thanks for the advice Neelix, but I'd really like to be alone right now." Neelix smiled a little and nodded before pushing himself out of his chair and went back to work. Tom watched him go and took one more sip of his Tea before rising from his own chair and decided to head to engineering and see how the warp core was coming along.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**Please, feedback is always greatly apreciated!**


	4. Quick recovery

**Chapter four:** Quick recovery?

Sometime later, Tom returned to the bridge and took his place at the helm.

"Commander, Lietenant Torres reports that the warp core is once again opperational."

Chakotay nodded, "Understood. Tom, follow the warp trail of the alien ship that took the Captain."

Tom nodded, doing as he was ordered, hoping they hadn't lost track of them. They entered warp and dropped out of sub space by a close by nebula. The ship was dead in space as if they had just been in a fire fight and had lost. Tom felt his heart rate speed up again and hoped she was alright.

"Life signs," he heard Chakotay probe from behind.

"I sm detecting a human life sign. Very weak," Tuvok reported. _'weak?' _Tom felt his blood boil. They hurt her. Whoever hurt them desserves a pat on the back.

"Beem the Captain directly to sick bay. Have security standing by," the Commander ordered.

"Tuvok you have the bridge, I'll be in sick bay."

Tom swirled his chair around, "Sir, permission to join you?" Chakotay seemed to hesitate before nodding. Tom allowed one of the ensigns to take over before following the Commander to the turbo lift.

Once inside the turbo lift, Tom could feel Chakotay eye him from the side.

"Is there something you would care to talk to me about Lieutenant?"

Tom sighed, '_Yeah, talk about his problems with the man who's steeling his Captain's affections away._ _**Yeah, right.!'**_ "Not really, no," he answered keeping his eyes on the elevatators doors ahead of him.

"Computer, halt turbo lift," the Commander ordered. Tom blinked and finally turned his way. "I know there's something bothering you Tom. And I have a feeling that its who were going to see in Sick Bay." Tom glared, folding his arms.

"What's it to you? And what do you care anyway? It's no secret that we don't particulary like each other." Tom knew he was being unfair, but jealousy does this to him. The Commander sighed.

"I understand your hostility towards me Tom. And I wont admit that I'm particullary fond of you either. But that doesn't mean I hate you anymore. Look, I know a man in love when I see one. And I know you have feelings for the Captain. And I just wanted you know that you have nothing to fear from me. She made her peramiters with me very clear on New Earth. Were just good friends Tom. That's all. Just remember that she's the Captain, which means she has to follow certain protocals" the Commander paused turning to face the doors. "Be careful. Resume turbo lift."

Tom didn't know if he meant be careful with her heart or with his own. Maybe both. Nevertheless, he felt some of the jealousy ebb away, replaced with a new found respect for the Commander. And a new found hope that she might posibbly feel the same way about him as he does her.

They entered Sick Bay and Tom rushed to where the Captain was laying on a bio bed, "How is she?" The Doctor who was scanning her looked up and frowned.

"She's dehydrated, but I believe she'll make a full recovery," he reported turning to the Commander. Tom sighed with relief that it was nothing serious.

"Keep me posted Doctor," the Commander ordered. Tom looked up to see him give him a knowing look and left. Tom smiled a little before looking down at the pale face of his Captain.

"Don't worry Lieutenant. She'll be fine in a few days. But she will need a full nights recovery here in Sick Bay before I let her return to light duty because I know its hopeless to ask her to remain in her quarters." With that the Doctor turned to head back to his office. Tom watched him go before looking down at the Captain sadly. He felt awful about not being there for her when she needed him.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," he whypered unconsiously smoothing her hair from her forehead.

"You alright Tom?" He jumped startled by Kes's voice from behind and looked her way as she moved besides him to stair down at the Captain. "Sorry, didn't meant to startle you," she opilgized turning to face him. Tom gave her a small smile to let her know not to worry about it then looked back down at the Captain. He knew he had to tell after this scare of losing her.

"Yeah, I'm just glad we got her back."

"We all are Tom." She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze before returning to work and he laid his hand on top of Kathryn's.

"I know you can't hear me. So now would be a good time for me to say it. I love you, Kathryn Janeway! I just hope I'll be brave enough to tell you when you're awake." He then bent down and gave her a brief kiss on the forehead before turning to leave, missing the Captain open her eyes and watch the doors slide shut behind him with a saddened, yet aww expression.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**PLEASE REVIEW! **_**As always, feedback is greatly apreciated! **_


	5. Happy ending

**Chap Five: **Happy Ending

The next morning, Tom was resting in his quarters as it was his day off building up courage to tell Kathryn how he really felt about her. He heard the doorbell chime and went to answer it and was surprised by who it was in uniform standing in front of him looking a bit nervous.

"Captain?" he probed inviting her inside. She nodded and slipped passed him into the living room. He turned around and heard the doors swish close behind him. She turned to face him and was she blushing?

"Tom...I," she began but paused and looked down at her shoes. She looked back up and looking straight into his eyes continued, "Tom I heard your confession when you thought I was asleep in Sick Bay." Tom flushed turning away from her.

"You did?" he probed knowing the answer already. He froze not knowing how to handle this situation now that she knew.

"Yes. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It happens. And I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in this." Tom looked her way then hopefully.

"You mean?" he began but words failed him through his sudden excitement. She smiled and nodded.

"Yes Tom. I love you too." Tom couldn't hold himself back and pulled her against him capturing her mouth with his.

'_I love it when Harry's right!' _

**End**

_  
_**Please review!**_** They really mean a lot to me!**_


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